


Home To Me

by Lexilindale35



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: The war is over and Feyre lets her sisters live their lives. She gives Nesta money to build a home wherever she choose, and Nesta moves as far away as she feels she can.She never expected to miss him. She never expected a simple visit from her sister and his friends to make her miss everything she thought she hated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So someone on tumblr gave me this prompt and here is part one!  
> I have a part two, it'll be coming. Hope you like it =)

The town was tiny but it was everything Nesta wanted. It was close to her sisters, close to the only people she cared about after the damn war. But it was far enough away from them, from the constant reminders of this new life she had to live. So it was the perfect place to build the home Nesta had been dreaming about. It was the perfect place to clear her head and to stop thinking about him.

Feyre had given her more than enough money to build the perfect cottage. She had enough left over after it was finished to live off of until she decided what to do with her long existence. So she didn't have to rush into anything. Which was what Feyre wanted, she was always looking out for her sisters.

She had found the perfect field the first day she came to this little town. It was close to the edge, lining the forest. It was overgrown with weeds and sunflowers. The sun sat right above it and she could hear the rustling of water. Nesta paid the construction team to start building that very day.

The cottage wasn't huge. It was bigger than their tiny cabin, but nowhere near as big as the houses Rhysand had. She didn't need big, she just needed cosy. So there were three bedrooms, a living room with a large glass window, and her favorite part, a wrap around porch. She loved the wrap around porch, the two little rocking chairs that were out front. It was her favorite spot to watch the day pass, to read and try to clear her head.

This was her home, the perfect home she had never dreamt of having, human or fae. It had taken a huge life changing moment to bring her here, but most days Nesta wouldn't change a thing. She had fought a war and somehow come out stronger. She had survived death and her sisters were happy.

That was all she had ever asked for in life. For Feyre and Elain to be happy.

Nesta's wings were itching to fly. She picked a spot far enough away so she could do exactly that. Come and go as she pleased. She could feel them, Feyre and Rhysand had asked to come visit when the cottage was finished. Today was the day they were supposed to see it.

Before they came she needed to fly. She needed to get out of her head. Because she knew he would be with them. She knew her body would want more than her mind or her heart was ready to offer him. She wasn't scared of Cassian, per say. She was terrified of herself, of the way he made her feel.

So she set out for a short flight, to clear her head and get rid of her anxieties. 

Nesta would never admit it but she loved this part of her new life. She loved flying, feeling the wind brush against her wings. She loved brushing her hand over the clouds and seeing the world from up high. She never realized how caged she felt as a human, until she took her very first flight.

And maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that Cassian had been the one to show her how beautiful flying could he.

Nesta got home right before Feyre sent her a message saying they were on their way. It was a two hour flight from Velaris, so she had time to shower and clean up the place. It wasn't messy, just needed to look perfect for her sister. She changed into comfortable clothing and then put some food in the oven.

Nesta smelled him before she heard their voices. She walked to the big window. Watching as they made their way down the path that led to the front door. She took in a deep breath as her eyes went to Cassian.

He looked better. His wings were completely healed and he was smiling. He hadn't smiled once during the war, his jokes had left him. He had been broken, so broken it hurt Nesta to be in the same room as him. She hated seeing the man who promised to protect her, to be her angel Illyrian, broken beyond repair.

Feyre opened the door and grabbed her older sister in a hug, "Nes! This place is beautiful."

She hugged her back, "thanks. I think it's perfect," she whispered as her sister held her tightly. She had missed Feyre. They had lived together for their entire lives. They had spent more years together as humans, and yet she had missed the fae version of Feyre. So grown up, wise beyond her years. She was stronger and beautiful. Nesta knew Feyre truly belonged in this world.

She fit in better.

"Nesta," Rhys smiled as he stepped over the threshold.

"I'm glad you came," she had never actually thanked the high lord for taking them in when Feyre went with Tamlin. She never thanked him for taking care of them, for loving them like the sisters he didn't get to have. But Nesta wasn't one for words, she believed in actions.

So she just offered him a smile and he nodded. He knew what she meant. He understood her fear of speaking the truth.

Cassian came last. He had that cocky smile on his face. His lips twitched as he looked at Nesta, not the house. He pulled his wings in and then shook his head. His hair was shorter, but his eyes were brighter. Everything about him was the same, his broad shoulders, his dark tattoo. Even his eyes held more fire, they sparkled from the flight he never thought he would get to take again.

Nesta felt her mouth water as his scent hit her. His eyes went down her body and then back up. When he caught her eye, he let out a breath, "miss me sweetheart?"

Nesta blew out a breath, “about as much as I would miss the plague."

Cassian laughed, Nesta stopped before she turned away. She hadn't heard him laugh in so long. Not since before she was turned, before his wings were almost taken from him. That was the laugh she wanted to bottle up and carry with her throughout this hard life.

Nesta bit her lip, but Cassian saw the smile trying to pull at her. Feyre and Rhys were walking around, they went up the steps and were looking at her home. Nesta knew she should offer them a tour, but she couldn't move. She couldn't pull herself away from this room, where Cassian stood. Because she had missed him, more than she ever thought was possible.

She had missed this version of him. The man she had once thought she could fall in love with. The man who offered to die for her, when she was still human. The man who could smile and laugh, even after all the hell he had been through.

Cassian took a step forward and touched the back of her hand, "I missed you too sweetheart."

\--

Nesta fed them dinner and since their flight had been long and tiring they went to bed early. She said goodnight to her sister and her brother in law, and then found herself alone once more. Alone had never been a bad thing for Nesta. She always loved the silence, the easy way of living alone.

But she wasn't alone. She could feel him. He wasn't asleep. She could feel Cassian and for the first time she didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to share this perfect home, this perfect place, with the one man who she never thought she'd see again.

She wasn’t sure she was ready to let herself want him, to need someone else. She wasn’t used to those kinds of feelings, which was part of the reason she had chosen to move so far away. If she could get him out of her head then maybe everything would go back to normal.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get him out of her head, she couldn’t get him out of her heart.

Nesta jumped slightly as the steps creaked. She turned and saw Cassian standing there. His smell hit her and she tried not to let him see how it affected her. Because it was the one comfort she had found in Velaris. He was the one comfort she had found after the black magic had stitched her skin back together.

"Can't sleep," he said quietly as he joined her in the living room. He sat down on the couch beside her. She pulled her feet up under her. Nesta set her book down on the coffee table. 

"So you want me to bore you to sleep with a story?" She asked innocently as he moved closer. 

Cassian shook his head and leaned even closer. He smiled as his hand brushed against hers, "Nesta. I wasn't kidding when I said I missed you."

Nesta bit her lip. She leaned into him, remembering the day he wiped away her tear. She remembered the day he laid in his own blood, fighting to save her from the black water of the cauldron. The memories were painful, but they reminded Nesta of a man who wanted her. Who wanted to protect her, to believe in her. 

Ever since that day she had been wondering what it would be like to feel his lips against hers. To feel his fire merge with hers, to feel his hands against her skin. She couldn't stop thinking about Cassian, no matter how hard she tried. He was always there, in her head, in her heart.

Nesta knew the truth now as he sat there beside her. No matter how far she moved she would never be able to stop feeling him.

Cassian's eyes found hers and then he kissed her. It was a whisper of a kiss, his lips soft against hers. His hand came up and touched her cheek as she kissed him back. Her heart stuttered as he touched her, her hands framed his face. This was everything she wanted, everything she had been terrified of. 

Nesta pulled away, "Cass," she said his name softly, the dark lights made this more than it should've been, "I told you before I left. I'm not the girl you want, the girl you deserve."

"Don't you think I should get to decide that?" He asked quietly, keeping his hand against her cheek. His thumb brushed lightly against her bottom lip.

Nesta held his gaze. She wanted to let this happen, to give him everything she held so tightly in her chest. She wanted to be like Feyre, like Elain. She wanted to let someone in, she wanted to fall in love. 

But she couldn't let herself. 

"No," she finally answered him, "because I know in the end, I'll only break you."

Nesta stood up and Cassian let her go. She walked up the steps slowly, leaving him sitting there on the couch wondering what he had to do to convince her he was strong enough to be everything she thought she didn’t need.

\---

Nesta avoided Cassian the next day. Feyre asked her to show her around town and that's what she did. Rhys and Cassian had been exploring the woods behind her cottage so her and Feyre slipped out to have sister time. Nesta had a feeling Feyre was going to start telling her all about what happened after she left. She wanted to hear about Elain and Lucien.

But Feyre wasn't going to end there. 

They went shopping and then Nesta took her to the little cafe she loved going to for lunch. They order their food and then Feyre sighed.

"Elain loves the spring court and I'm glad she's happy. Lucien adores her, waits on her hand and foot. I'm glad she has him, I just wish," she stopped and looked at Nesta, "I wish they had gone back to autumn court. Because I hate visiting the spring court."

Nesta understood. There were more than enough bad memories in that court to scare her away. But Elain hadn't been there before the war, when Tamlin had controlled their sister. Or had tried to, no one could truly control Feyre. Nesta had known that her entire life.

"I haven't gone to see their new manor yet. It's even further from Velaris. But I'll go soon," she touched Feyre's hand, "I'll go with you."

She smiled and Nesta noticed the sparkle in her sisters eyes. She knew something that Nesta didn't, "yeah we will have to go soon. Because Elain is pregnant."

Nesta's mouth fell open, "what? Why didn't she tell me?"

Feyre laughed, "she's scared to do it in a letter. She's so excited and Lucien, he's beside himself. Worried he won't be a good father. He even talked to Azriel and Rhysand about it. Huge step on the friends front I might add," her sister was happy. She could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, "but anyways. Elain wants to tell you in person."

Nesta shook her head, "I'm going to write to her. We have to have her a baby shower. Oh I'm glad she's happy. I'm glad she has Lucien, and you. You both, you've adapted so well. Why can't I adapt? What's wrong with me?"

Feyre squeezed her older sisters fingers, "there is nothing wrong with you. You didn't ask for this life. Neither did Elain and I but we've always been different. We've always been more open. But you. You've always known who you are. You're Nesta Acheron and you have a fire in your soul. You were human and that fire burned brightly. You just have to discover it again."

Nesta smiled, "wow. Who knew you could be so insightful?"

She shrugged, "I've given Cassian a lot of speeches while his wings were healing. Oh the chores of a high lady."

Nesta shook her head as their food came and then Feyre kept going, "you know he misses you. He asks me about you constantly. He wants to know why I let you leave, why you moved so far. He thinks he's the reason why you picked this town. He's afraid he scared you away."

Nesta felt a little guilty for making him worry. But it was his fault, he didn't come to say goodbye. He had been stubborn, just as stubborn as she was. 

"You told him that's not true right?" She asked quietly.

Feyre rolled her eyes, "I don't have time to play the go between with you and Cassian. You're both adults, you can acknowledge whatever it is going on between you two. I love you both, and I want you to be happy. But he hasn't been happy, Nesta. Not since the day his wings were shredded."

She felt tears gather in her throat. There hadn't been a day in that house when Cassian hadn't tried to make her laugh. He was always there for her. And she left without ever considering being there for him.

"The first time he finally smiled was when I told him you asked us to visit. It was a real smile, one he would've given me before the war. He needs you Nesta, and I know you need him. No matter how much you deny it. I saw the way you smiled when we got here."

Nesta shook her head, "it would never work Fey. He's a general, the commander. Another war and he'll be taken away from me. He belongs to Rhysand, to the job."

Feyre smiled, "a solider fights the hardest to make it back home if there's someone there waiting for him," she looked at Nesta. Waited for an answer.

Nest wasn’t suer what to say. Feyre shook her head, "you cannot live behind those excuses. He deserves better than that and so do you. If you're scared of him, of the feelings that are happening, be honest. Because there will always be a threat of danger that will try and tear you apart. But you'll survive it. Both of you, the feelings that are there, they're strong enough to keep you together."

Nesta took a sip of her water, "what if he's not my mate? What if he lives here and finds her? I can't unlove him. It's not fair to either of us."

Feyre understood her sister’s fear, she had felt it once with Tamlin. Before she realized she would be the one to fall in love with someone else. But she knew her sister belonged to Cassian. There was no one else for either of them.

They fit too well together. 

"Nesta give him a chance. You'll only live to regret it if you don't. Forever is a long time to hide behind fear and doubt. I want you to have what I have, what Elain has. I want you to live, Nesta. Not just survive but to live."

Nesta looked away, her mind going a million different directions. She took in a deep breath and wondered what it would feel like to finally be free of the chains that kept her heart closed.

\---

They had only come to visit for a week. A week went faster than it ever had before. There were two days left for them to spend together. Two days of her showing them the tiny town she had fallen in love with and Nesta trying to avoid both her sister and Rhysand pleading with her to give the big brute a chance.

She wanted to give him a chance, but her heart was too stubborn. Her mind was too closed off. There was no space to give, no thread to pull on to unravel her fears. She was trying, every night when they sat together after the others had gone to bed. She let his hand hold hers, she let his thigh press against hers. But she didn't dare let her heart open to him.

Because she would ruin him. She was a fire, a hurricane given flesh. She wouldn't heal him the way he needed to be healed. She would cause more pain, more destruction. And he would never find his way out of the ruins that she left behind.

Somehow Feyre had convinced Nesta to move the furniture in the living room that night. Her sister wanted to dance and since there were no bars in her town, she resorted to Nesta's living room. So the boys moved the couches and Nesta dusted off her records. She set the volume up loud and they had their own dance floor.

Feyre couldn't stop smiling as her husband pushed her around the hardwood floor. Their shoes were off, they slid around in their socks. Feyre giggled, a sound Nesta hadn't heard since before they lived in that tiny little cabin. She was happy for her little sister, happy she found someone who loved her completely. Someone who looked at her and saw the world there in front of him. 

If anyone deserved a happy ending it was Feyre. 

She kept smiling, trying to fight off tears, as she watched her sister dance with her husband. They had been married for almost five years now and they were still so in love. The vinyl popped along with the singer's voice, both of them were lost to the music.

Cassian cleared his throat, "well now we can't just sit here and watch," he stood up and offered her his hand, "may I have this dance Nesta?"

Normally she would've turned him down. Before this moment she would've fought herself, she would've listened to her anger, the voice telling her that this would never work. She wouldn't even give it a try. But she didn't want to be that girl. After her sister told her about Cassian's dark days, the days after she left, she realized she didn't want to be his destruction. She wanted to be the girl who saved him.

Nesta took his hand. His smile was beautiful, his face falling for a moment in shock, before he pulled his features together. The song changed, the singer's voice was even more beautiful as she sang about learning to love your woman. It was one of Nesta's favorites on this old record. One she had found at a flea market in town.

Cassian held her hips in his big hands, Nesta kept a few inches between them. After a moment she let out a slow breath, their feet moving together. Cassian was leading, but Nesta didn't care. She knew no matter what she would follow him anywhere. 

"You think we'll find that one day?" He asked softly, his chin motioning towards Rhys and Feyre who were no longer lost in the music but also in each other. Their faces were inches apart, both of them smiling. Nesta knew without a doubt they were having an internal conversation. 

Her heart skipped a beat as she imagined her and Cassian being that close. She looked up at him, his brown eyes were smoldering in the dim light of her living room. The record popped again and she shivered. His hair was shorter, his body was leaner from training. His wings were beautiful, they sparkled with magic that had knitted them back together. Even curled up on his back she could see them glisten in the light.

Nesta smiled slightly, "I know you will," she whispered softly, that same voice telling her once more this would never work. The voice that shredded her belief in love, in anything but the fire that would destroy her world.

Cassian pulled her closer, "you will too. I know you will. And I will be okay if it's not me."

Nesta's heart stopped at the idea of her with someone else. Her lungs squeezed tightly and she realized she would never be able to live with herself if it wasn't Cassian. Because he had been everything her mother told her a man should be. Loyal and kind, protective and supportive. Hell he even let her go when she pushed him away. He was the one she was supposed to end up with.

So why was she pushing him further away? Why was she letting herself let him go? She shouldn't let him slip through her fingers, because if she did and he found someone else, she would be broken beyond repair.

"Cassian," the song changed once more and she felt tears in her eyes. Her heart was pounding in rhythm to the new song and she let out a slow breath.

He offered her that crooked smile, "I know. You think I don't deserve you. But I'll wait. I'll wait a year, ten, hell I'll wait five hundred years if I have to. Because I care about you Nesta. I look at you and I see myself. I see the broken boy I used to be before Rhysand's mother took me in. Before I found a home with my friends. So I'll be your home. When you're ready, I'll be here waiting."

A tear slipped down her cheek. Nesta had a flash of deja vu as he reached out, his thumb brushing it away before it had a chance to fall all the way down. She smiled at him, her heart beat in time with his. She could feel him, she could feel it.

The warmth spread through her chest. It was the start of something ancient, something that was bigger than the both of them. It told Nesta to hold on. To keep him here with her.

"It won't take me five hundred years," she whispered as her fingers slipped up his neck and buried themselves in his hair, "you don't deserve that. You deserve someone ready now. Someone who will love you as hard as you love them."

He smiled, "you will," he whispered softly. He was so confident, so sure that she would come around it scared her. It was as if he had seen the future, as if he knew there was no other ending than them being together, "one day, I know you will."

"I hope you're right," she whispered softly as he pulled her in and they danced to the rest of the song in silence. 

\---

Nesta didn't get a lot of sleep the night before they were to leave. She had gotten used to waking up to Feyre humming as she made breakfast. She realized with their visit she had missed the hustle and bustle of a home shared with other people. She loved her cottage, she loved her town. But she missed having people to share her life with.

So she tossed and she turned trying to figure out what to do. They were to leave this evening. Feyre promised one last day together. Shopping and doing nothing. It was Nesta's choice as to what they would do. Her sister promised they would visit more. 

So they spent the morning exploring the woods. All four of them ventured out and hiked the trail. Nesta loved the wind against her wings, the fresh air hitting her lungs. Cassian made her laugh, flying this way and that. He always made her laugh. He always made things more fun. He was the light to her dark. 

It was then she realized just why she didn't want to be alone anymore. She was fine with being alone. But she wasn't fine being without Cassian.

Rhysand made dinner that night. They ate early, so they could share one last meal together. Nesta showered after their hike and so did Feyre. Cassian and Rhysand went to planning out the meal and took turns making the food. They wouldn't let either female in the kitchen.

Nesta sat down beside her sister as they waited to be called, "so," Feyre said sighing, "you seem sad."

Nesta shrugged, "I didn't realize how much I missed you, all of you, until you came to visit. It's so quiet without you guys."

She smiled, "well Cassian let the lease on his apartment slip. So he's been staying with Rhys and me. But I think he secretly wanted to see where you lived. He misses you, Nes. He talks in his sleep you know." 

Nesta blushed. She wondered what he dreamt about that had her sister telling her this. She let out a slow breath, "yeah? What does he say?"

"If it's not him crying over his poor wings, he calls for you. The nightmares were worse right before the war. But he still has them."

Nesta knew the pain behind them, because she still had them too. The dreams of drowning in a pit of black water, screaming because she couldn't save Elain. She dreams of Cassian drowning in his own blood, his hand reaching for her. She dreams of it all, years after the horrible ordeal is over.

She bit her lip, that warm pulse hitting her chest, as if soothing her memory of the pain the nightmares caused. She looked at her sister and she wondered if she could ask Rhysand's commander, the man he trusted with his army, to stay here. To stay with her and find a life together.

To help heal each other from wounds so deep that would no doubt leave a scar. But they could heal, if they helped each other.

"He would do it," she whispered softly, her hand finding Nesta's, "now that we have no war, no threats he dreams of finding a way to be with you. I've seen inside his head, Nesta. He only wants you."

Tears filled her eyes. She wanted him too but how was she supposed to let him in? She wasn't as easy to open up as Feyre. She still wasn't comfortable with herself. Not in this body, not as a monster she had been raised to fear. She never gained control of her powers, the only comfort she allowed herself was flying. 

"Just talk to him," she kept her voice quiet as Rhysand called them for dinner, "you both deserve to be happy. Don't drag this out the way Mor and Azriel have. You'll only regret the years you didn't spend together."

Nesta followed Feyre to the dining room and sat down across from Cassian. He offered her a smile. He had been more understanding since they danced. The entire day they spent together as friends, nothing more. He helped her down the slope on the hike. He picked her up when she fell. But he hadn't kissed her since that very first night.

Nesta knew it was now or never. She needed him in her life. She needed him here as much as she needed the air to fill her lungs with life. Her heart demanded it, demanded her to ask him to stay. 

Dinner was filled with laughter and stories of old. Feyre told some of baby Nesta and her, stories she had almost forgotten. The good ones featured their mother. The bad ones featured their father. Elain was in them all, twisted between the older and younger sister. She was their Switzerland, the one who kept them balanced.

When they finished eating, Feyre helped her do the dishes. The sun was starting to set and Nesta knew they had to go. She let out a slow breath and looked at them, wishing she didn't have her pride. She wanted them to stay. She shouldn't have moved so far. Except this was what she wanted. A life away from the painful memories. A life that was her own.

Feyre hugged her tightly, as if she could put her back together, "we will see each other again soon, Nesta. I'll send you a letter every week I promise."

Nesta smiled, "I want a full report the day you two finally start your family."

Feyre blushed, "well that won't be anytime soon. I promise you, I want a full life with Rhys before we produce little ones."

Nesta smiled at her brother in law, "you take care of her. She's my high lady, but also my best friend. If anything happens to her, I'll skin you alive. High lord or not."

Rhysand laughed and pulled her into a hug, "I wouldn't put it past you Nesta," he hugged her tightly and then whispered, "the answer is yes. He can live wherever he wishes to live, as long as he checks in every so often with the camps and with me."

Her cheeks tinted pink as he stepped away. He placed a kiss against her cheek before he rejoined Feyre in the yard. He wrapped his arm around her waist in the same breath it took her to lean into him. They were two working halves of a whole. Nesta felt a pang of jealousy at how easily they fit together.

"Well," Cassian sighed as Nesta felt her courage leave her. She couldn't ask him to stay, he had his own life. He didn't need to try to help her with hers, "I guess this is goodbye."

"I thought you didn't do goodbyes," she said softly. Cassian had refused to see her off before she moved here. He claimed he didn't do goodbyes and that Nesta would be back. That had hurt, especially because his wings hadn't healed completely and she wanted him to know he wasn't the reason she needed to get away.

Cassian stepped in and wiped away a traitorous tear, "it's not goodbye, its see you later. I'll see you again sweetheart. As soon as you send for me, I'll find a way to be here."

She smiled slightly, leaning into his touch. She didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to beg him to stay either. Her pride was telling her to let him go, she would find a way to love the silence again. But her heart was screaming at her. The heat pulsed against her lungs and demanded she keep him here beside her.

The intensity of both feelings was too much to handle.

Nesta didn't know which to follow, her head or her heart. She watched as Rhys took Feyre's hand and they took off. It was a two hour flight and they needed to be at an early meeting. Nesta felt selfish for keeping them here for so long.

But Cassian held back. He looked at her as if he was waiting for her to say something, to change her mind about this goodbye. Nesta felt a pull, she felt everything tilt and change under his gaze. 

Because this last week her cottage had finally felt like home with him. She had made everything to accommodate her wings, but they fit his just as well. Another tear slipped down her cheek as she looked at the man who had saved her more times than she could count.

She took a step forward and she knew this was the moment she would save them both. This was the time she pushed aside her pride and finally listened to her heart.

"Cassian," she called his name before he could follow her sister into the sky.

She met him on the path and grabbed his hand. His smile was small and crooked, "yes sweetheart."

Nesta blew out a breath and held tight to her courage, "will you stay? Will you stay here with me?"

His eyes were bright and he didn't stop to think. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, sealing their fate, sealing their life. She felt her heart fill up, her body respond to his. Cassian's hands held her as if she was his most valuable possession. As if he never wanted to leave this moment. The moment where she finally chose him.

When he pulled back there were tears staining both their cheeks. But they were both smiling, they were both glowing from the small thread that would one day tether them together. 

Cassian pushed back a piece of her brown hair, his eyes never leaving hers. His smile was beautiful as he held her eyes with his. 

"I thought you'd never ask.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 was fun; but part 3 is def my favorite. I can't wait to share =)

"My gods Cassian stop leaving your shit in the middle of the hallway!" Nesta had had enough of tripping over weapons and books. His clothing was always laying around their room. He never picked up after himself. It was like living with a toddler. An overgrown toddler.

Three months, they had been living together for all of three months. Everything had been going great. At least Cassian thought so. Sure they had stupid little fights, but he could usually make her laugh with a kiss, pull her in and make her stop yelling as easily as she had started. The cottage was their safe place. The one place where Nesta was finally starting to let down her guard.

And Cassian had never been as happy as he was living in that tiny town. Sure Velaris had been his home for years, almost as long as he could remember one. But this town, with Nesta at its center, it was where he belonged. Because he would follow her to the ends of the earth, if only she would let him.

It wasn't raining. The sky was bright and blue. The wind picked up slightly as Nesta yelled once more at his gear he had left lying around. Cassian walked towards the living room, her glare cut through him. He knew he was in trouble, but he didn't realize how bad it was until he got to her.

"Yes sweetheart?" usually he could use his charm and get out of trouble. But today Nesta had been pushed to the edge. She had hit her foot on the hilt of his sword. She swore, bouncing on her uninjured foot, as he came into the room and threw a book at his head.

"Why must you be a child? Why can't you clean up after yourself?"

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He stepped towards her and she growled.

"Just go," she waved her hand, "this isn't working. Just. Go Cassian."

Tears filled his eyes as she looked away. He felt his heart stop as panic filled him, "Nesta. I said I'm sorry."

Her blue eyes were filled with anger, "you said you were sorry last time, Cassian. And the time before that. You can't leave your shit all over and expect me to clean up after you!"

He held up his hands, "okay. I won't."

"I said go," she crossed her arms over her chest. 

She closed herself off, Cassian didn't understand. He thought they had been getting along great. He checked in with Rhys every other day and the flying helped strengthen his wings. Nesta was laughing and she seemed open to the idea of the bond. The idea that they might be mates. Cassian could feel it. He had felt it snap into place the moment he moved in. The bond was there, but Nesta was still too afraid of him, too afraid of herself to feel it.

So he didn't tell her, he didn't want to scare her. He wanted to live in this moment of whatever they were doing forever. Of course it took every ounce of his five hundred years of experience to restrain himself from worshipping her every night. But Nesta wanted to go slow, which meant a lot of kissing, a lot of holding. Things that made Cassian's blood boil and spin his insides to mush.

Because he wanted her, all of her. She was his mate, the other half he never knew existed in this world. And yet he wouldn't force that on her. He would wait for her, for years if he had to. So long as she was the one choosing him.

But now she was kicking him out. The air left his lungs and he couldn't move. He didn't want to take a step back to where they had been. Not when they had come so far together. Not when Nesta smiled for him, laughed at his stupid jokes. He shared her bed, she nestled in his arms every night promising him a life together.

"Nesta."

"If you don't leave now I'll throw your dagger at you," her voice shook the pictures on the wall. He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door before she could follow through with her threat.

He took off for Velaris, he knew Feyre would be able to tell him what to do. This was his home, he didn't want to move back in life or where he stood with Nesta. So he went to find her sister, the one who could fix this.

He flew fast, ignoring his usual views. He got to Velaris in record time. Feyre and Rhysand were sitting on the porch together. They both sat up when they saw Cassian come walking up the path. His eyes were red from the flight and from crying. He would blame the wind, but they both knew that wasn't the only problem.

"Cassian," Rhys spoke softly as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, "what's wrong?"

He shrugged, "she kicked me out. I just," he looked at Feyre, "tell me how to fix this. I can't," his heart broke, the thread inside his chest went tight at the thought of losing her, "I can't lose what we've built. Please Feyre, she's your sister."

Feyre sighed, "come inside its cold," she reached for his arm and pulled him close, "give her some time to cool down. Tell me what happened."

They walked into the house and the warmth wrapped around Cassian. Feyre could smell her sister mixed into his leather and cinnamon scent. She smiled, realizing before he was even finished with his story the truth. They were mates, her sister belonged to the warrior who had promised to always protect her.

"Well Cassian you are almost five hundred years old. You should be able to clean up after yourself," Feyre smiled at him but he didn't smile back. He glared at her as Rhysand came to her side.

"Just give her some time. I need you to help me anyways, we need to go to the camps. Devlon is trying to pull wings again."

Cassian ran a hand through his hair and nodded. He was grateful for the distraction, "okay. I uh. I left my stuff at the house."

Rhysand smiled, "don't worry I've got weapons you can borrow," he put his hand on his brother's shoulder, "don't worry about Nesta. She'll come around. She didn't kick you out for good. You two belong together."

Cassian blew out a breath, "I hope you're right. She was really mad this time."

Feyre squeezed his hand, "I know he's right. My sister deserves someone as loyal as you as her mate."

Cassian looked at his family, the one he chose. He wanted to believe they were right, but he was terrified. He had never asked for anything in this life, until he met her. And he was terrified to lose her now that he had finally found her.

\---

Nesta wasn't sure what was worse, Cassian's shit laying around or telling him to leave and instantly regretting it the moment he actually listened. The silence was too loud. Her heart hurt without him here even if she wanted to yell at him some more. She had cleaned up his weapons, only to find a small velvet box in his top drawer.

Nesta had a feeling she knew what it was. Her hands shook as she took it out and held it, too afraid of looking inside. So she was just staring at the box, wondering if she could see herself wearing his ring, when her sister appeared in the doorway.

"Hey," she smiled at Nesta, who tried wiping away her tears before she saw them. But Feyre noticed her crying, she also noticed the box, "what's that?"

Nesta sighed, "I found it in Cassian's drawer. We had a fight and I," her sentence fell off as she looked at her younger sister, "I told him to leave. And he listened."

Feyre walked into the room and hugged her sister. Before Cassian she was the only one ever allowed to hug her, "yeah he came to me and Rhys. They had to go to the camps, but he's sorry Nesta. He was crying too."

Nesta let out a slow breath, "he's like an overgrown child, Feyre. I swear he drives me crazy. But I didn't actually mean it. I was mad," she felt the walls closing in, her lungs struggling to pull in air, "he knows that right?"

Feyre smiled, "I told him you just needed some time. He had to go with Rhys right away, but he wanted to come home to you. This is his home Nesta. Here with you."

She nodded and Feyre saw in that moment, the panic that was on her sister's face, she had no idea about the bond. Feyre could smell it, hell all she smelled when she pulled Nesta into her arms was Cassian. They were weaved into one now, there was no start or end to them.

She smiled, wondering how her sister would find out. She knew it was a delicate thing, she herself had been so angry that Rhysand kept the bond from her. But Nesta was even more delicate. She could either embrace the mating bond or push Cassian even further away. 

Feyre let out a slow breath, "well did you open it? I bet it's beautiful."

Nesta shook her head, "no. I don't want to see it. I just couldn't put it back," she laughed, pushing her hair over her shoulder, "it's been three months, Fey. Isn't that a little too soon? Azriel and Mor took five hundred years to be together. And all Cassian and I need is just three months?"

Feyre took the box from Nesta and put it away before she could change her mind and look at the ring. She let out a slow breath and then held her sister’s gaze, "it's been far longer than three months. It's been five years since you met the fae who promised to defend you, a human, on a battlefield. And I knew in that moment if anyone could get through to you, it was him. It's been three months since you saw that too."

Nesta knew her sister was right. She had cared for Cassian during the war. She held his hand when the healers dealt him the news about his wings. She closed her eyes and every new memory that had formed in this body had been done beside Cassian. 

Before Nesta could tell her sister she was right, something hit her ribs. She let out a sob as her hand clutched her stomach, tears hitting her eyes as she realized the pain wasn't hers. It was dull, diluted, but she could feel it.

Her eyes flew open and she looked at Feyre as the pain hit again, "something's wrong."

Panic rose inside her throat, the need to shield her wings over took her and she pulled them in. She already knew what it felt like to lose them, her precious wings. Except she didn't know the pain, but she could feel the phantom pains. She realized it was Cassian's panic, Cassian's pain she felt.

"Feyre," she grabbed her sister's arm, "winnow us to Velaris. Please something is wrong. The camps," sweat dropped down her forehead, "Rhysand and cassian. They walked into a trap"

\--

Cassian was fading. He hadn't been expecting the blow so it took him off guard. It was a blow meant to paralyze, a blow he had taught the bastards himself. He couldn't regain his footing and he felt the blade slash at his stomach. He felt the poison seep into his body and he knew he couldn't help Rhysand even if he died trying.

"Cass," Rhys tapped his cheek, "Cass come on we have to go. I'll winnow us."

"You have to," he winced at the pain, "mist the rebels. They can't turn more against us."

Rhysand understand what Cassian was saying. He let out a slow breath. The high lord stood up and found each person who had initiated the attack. He turned their minds against them and then misted them before they had a chance to scream. Once for his brother and once for the trap they set. Everyone needed to see what happened when soldiers went rogue.

Cassian's breathing was shallow. His cheeks were white, "take me back to her," he whispered softly as Rhys grabbed his hand, "please. Take me to Nesta."

Rhys took his hand and winnowed them to the townhouse. He put Cassian in bed and went to find the closet healer. He demanded they save him just as he heard a crash and Feyre's scent hit him. The sisters came running into the room. Nesta let out a sob when she saw Cassian's pale color, his chest barely going up and down. 

"Cass," she whispered, pushing his long hair out of his face. She ran to his side and grabbed his hand. Rhysand took a step back, smelling the bond. 

He barely opened his eyes, "I'm sorry Nesta," he whispered as she kissed his sweaty cheek, "don't make me sleep on the couch."

She laughed, "never. You know I can't sleep without you now."

His smile was small, but it was there. She would've given anything for it to stay, but he winced and it was gone. She could feel his heart pounding she could feel the pain he was in. She wanted to take it away, but she didn't know how.

"Rhys," Nesta's voice was low but she could feel him slipping, "get the another healer. Something is wrong."

Cassian's entire body started to shake. His eyes rolled back and he pushed Nesta away. Feyre grabbed her as Rhys and the second healer came back in. When the healer touched his shoulder Nesta growled. But Feyre pulled her out of the room, away from the male who could drive her crazy. The male whom she loved with every broken piece of her fragile heart.

"He's going to be okay," Feyre squeezed her hand as Nesta tried to get back to him. Her sister held her tightly, "give them room, Nes."

Nesta squeezed her eyes shut, "I can't lose him Nesta. Not when we survived a war. Not like this."

Her insides were screaming, the bond latched onto her. She could feel him, she could feel everything. The poison running through his veins. The heat from the fever that wouldn't break. She could feel his need to see her, to hold her for what he thought was the last time. All the things she felt in that moment, they were breaking her.

Because she couldn't fix this. 

"You won't lose him," her sister ran her fingers through her hair, "have faith and just come sit with me. He's going to be okay. I promise."

Nesta glared at Feyre, the old Nesta was clawing her way to the surface, "don't make promises you can't keep, Fey."

She pushed past her sister and sat down outside the bedroom door. She didn't plan on moving until the healers let her back in. She told Cassian she wasn't good for him. She told him she would only end up hurting him.

Nesta never realized that by giving into her feelings she would end up destroying herself too.

\--

Nesta sat outside the room for two hours. Cassian would scream and thrash, he called for her as the healers bled out the poison. She hated it, she couldn't stand being locked away from him. But the door was locked, Rhysand had kept her out. He said it was better for her to stay away, to wait until the worst of it was over.

The moment he opened the door she ran to Cassian's side. He was out cold, sweat covered his body. His shirt was gone, his color was slowly returning. There were bandages along his shoulder. She knew thats where the dagger had hit him.

Nesta's eyes filled with tears as she picked up his hand. Her brute, her warrior, he looked so broken laying there with his eyes closed. She bit her lip, the healers left as soon as she walked in. She was alone, so she crawled up onto the bed and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I didn't mean it," she whispered softly, "come back to me, Cass."

A tear fell down her cheek as Rhysand came back into the room, "he should wake up soon. The healers said the poison is gone and his magic will start to heal him."

She nodded her head slowly, "thank you. For coming back as quickly as you did. I'm sure whatever happened at the camp, wasn't easy to leave untouched."

"He asked me to bring him to you. Because he thought he was dying," the high lord sighed, "I know you two had a fight and I know you're sorry. But please, don't push him away Nesta. He needs you more than he'll ever let you know."

She ran her fingers up his arm, "I need him too. I shouldn't have kicked him out, I just got so mad. He leaves his shit everywhere and I snapped today. He's an overgrown child," she looked down at him, her heart pulled, "but he's my overgrown child."

Rhysand smiled, "that he is."

Nesta slowly relaxed as she sat beside him. She held his hand tightly, watching and waiting for him to open his eyes. Feyre and Rhysand excused themselves for a few hours to rest. When they came back the sun was starting to come up, and Nesta had laid her head against his shoulder. She slid down slowly, until her ear rested against his heart. Until she could hear it getting stronger.

She felt him stir, "what," he coughed, wincing as the motion jarred his wound, "where am I?"

Nesta sat up quickly watching his eyes open. Nothing had ever been as hard as waiting for him to wake up. She kissed his cheek, tears in his eyes.

"You're at the townhouse," she whispered, looking into his brown eyes and feeling her body finally relax completely, "you got hurt. Do you remember?"

He let out a slow breath, "who are you? You're beautiful."

Nesta's heart fell. Had he hit his head? She reached out and touched his cheek, "Cass? Do you remember?"

He nodded slowly a smile spreading across his face, "I couldn't forget you if I tried, Nes. Yeah I remember. The rebels ambushed us. Rhys, is he okay?"

"I'm fine commander," he smiled at his friend, "thanks only to you. You pushed me out of the way. That blow was meant for me."

Nesta found her way up onto the bed beside him. She kissed his cheek, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It's okay. You were angry," he brushed a tear away. Then cleared his throat, "what's the report?"

"Five rebel leaders were misted. In order to save you," Nesta saw the pain on Cassian's face. It killed him to hurt those who were like him, "the camps are fine. Azriel and Mor went back to set an example of those who wanted to rebel more. Don't worry, you just have to rest."

He nodded slowly, his arms pulling Nesta into his chest. She sighed happily, kissing him softly, trying to take away his pain. She just wanted him to smile again. To tell her everything would really be okay. 

He was quiet as she laid with him, Rhysand had given him all the information he wanted. She put her hand on his chest, listening to his heart and then closed her eyes, her chest tight.

"I'm okay, Nes," he whispered softly, "we're okay."

Nesta pulled back and pressed her palm against his cheek, "Cassian. I love you, but you can't leave your weapons laying about. What if there's a little one running around one day? What if someone hurts themselves?"

"I know and I'm sorry. I will pick up after myself," Cassian stopped and looked at her with wide eyes, "wait. A little one?"

Nesta rolled her eyes, "yes I've thought about it. Or you know if we ever have a niece of nephew come visit. It's in the very far future," she smiled at him as he relaxed against her touch. She settled into his arms. He ignored the pain in his side as she kissed him softly.

He missed their cottage, their home. He didn't want to recover here in Rhysand's townhouse. He wanted to be in the home they had built together. The place he truly felt at ease with her. But he couldn't move. The healers said bed rest until the poison was out of his system. 

"Nesta," his voice was soft as she laid in his arms. He took in a breath and mustered up the courage, "I have to tell you something."

The tips of her fingers ran up and down his arm. She smiled as her blue gray eyes found his, "is it that we're mates?"

The bond pulsed as she said the word, his entire body went stiff with surprise. He waited for her to run, to tell him she didn't want this. He waited for her to get scared or angry. He didn't think she wanted this, or him, for the rest of her life. Not with black magic as she had called it all those years ago. Unnatural, she didn't believe in any of the fae things.

But she didn't move, she stayed in his arms. She hummed lightly as he slowly relaxed, "how did you?"

He couldn't finish his sentence. He was still terrified she'd leave him.

Nesta smiled as she turned onto her side, her hand pressed against his chest, "when you got hurt I closed my eyes and I found you. I felt it, the thread that tethers us together. I felt you and I knew no matter how angry you made me, no matter the messes I have to clean up, I want you. I choose you. Because I love you."

Cassian couldn't stop smiling as he leaned in and kissed her. Nesta pulled back and then she let her heart decide. She picked up his hand and took in a deep breath, both her sister and Rhysand watching.

"Marry me," she whispered softly her forehead pressed against his.

Cassian's mouth fell open, but his eyes were filled with happiness. He pulled her so close, so fast he winced and then her leg found its way over his and she was on his lap.

"Nesta. Are you sure?"

"I found the ring," she kissed his jaw, "I didn't look at it but. You're my mate, you're it for me. I love you," she smiled as a tear slipped down his cheek, "we've done everything else backwards, it's only fair I propose to you too."

Cassian pulled his hand away and then pressed his lips against hers. He cupped her face in his big strong hands and Nesta felt the world fall into place. She felt like she finally belonged, as if she had been trying to find her way to this very moment for her entire life.

Feyre cleared her throat, "well. I'm glad you two have made up. But I do believe the healers would prefer Cassian rests before anyone um. Accepts said bond."

Nesta's cheeks flushed as she pulled away, but Cassian stopped her. His big hand found her wait and kept her there on his lap, "no. Stay," he nuzzled his nose against her neck and she gasped when he bit down on her skin gently.

Rhysand was smiling, "well this calls for a celebration. Cassian, I'm going to make you and Nesta the best dinner ever."

He pulled Feyre out of the room and then Cassian looked back up at his mate. His beautiful, fiery Nesta, whom he would love for the rest of his existence. He ran his thumb across her bottom lip, "so do you want to see it?"

"I didn't bring it." She whispered as he shook his head.

"That box didn't have your ring. Actually it had your birthday present. Well one of them," he laughed as he wiggled his eyes brows, all the pain was gone, "I do have your ring though. I've carried it around since the day I found it."

"Which was when?"

Cassian blushed this time, "three years ago."

Nesta's mouth fell open as she looked at this male who had been carrying around a ring for three years. He had wanted to propose for three years, even before Nesta even considered him her friend. It was Nesta's turn to shed a tear.

"Cassian."

He shook his head and kissed her, "the bond didn't snap in place that long ago. I just. I always knew it would be you. Your fire, your passion, it's what I've always believed made someone as strong as they are. You love as hard as you live and I feel honored to be on the receiving end of that love."

He wiped away her tear and then moved the blanket aside. His tan chest was still bandaged but the bleeding had stopped. Slowly he pulled another black box out of his pocket and held it towards her. Her heart was pounding, her hands shook. This was a moment she would never get back and yet she knew she wouldn't change it for the world.

"Open it," he whispered as she ran her fingers over the velvet. She pulled the top back and almost dropped the box. 

The ring was beautiful, it was vintage, older than probably Cassian himself. It was a silver band with a flat diamond on the top. The diamond was diamond shaped, the edges were at the front and back. In the middle of the diamond there were a few blue stones scattered. But they weren't just blue, they were grey blue.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, she couldn't take her eyes off of it.

He couldn't take his eyes off her, "I saw it on one of my trips into Hewen City. It just reminded me of you and I bought it. I didn't know why or if I'd ever find an excuse to give it to you. But now, now I'm glad I did. Because now it's the ring that makes you mine."

Nesta shook her head before kissing him hard once more. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pressed their chests together. Nesta pulled away first, Cassian taking the velvet box from her. He took the ring out and then slipped it on her finger.

"Perfect fit," she murmured.

"Yeah," he ran his fingers across her knuckles, "we really are."

\---

Once Cassian was healed it took less than a week before Nesta tripped over his weapons again. But it didn't anger her like before. Because his ring sparkled on her finger.

And because no matter how mad he made her, he made up for it by loving her twice as hard.


End file.
